jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
