someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
