Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
