My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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