Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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