Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
