Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
