I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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