I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I AM VODKA MAN
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
