Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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