Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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