my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
