Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
