we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
