Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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