i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
