Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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