I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
