In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
