so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
