Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
