So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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