His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
