so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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