It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
