apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
