Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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