You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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