my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
