Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
