She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
