Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
