Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
