Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I want to make a zoo with you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
