I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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