A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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