I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
