that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He felt like a one man threesome
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I AM VODKA MAN
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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