ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
