my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
