Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
