he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
