You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
