I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
