2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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