Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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