Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
