dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
