I heard we made out
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
