She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
