Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Still dying that you shit outside
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
