So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
