My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There are leaves in my underwear?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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