is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
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No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
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If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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