we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
