Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
