I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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