Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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