her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
