While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We need to get me chipped asap
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
