I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
from now on my penis is your penis
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
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She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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