me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
