Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
